The Power of Attunement, Containment, and Peace
In the realm of psychology, there were research projects conducted decades ago that would probably not pass the ethical standards of today. However, these experiments yielded fascinating results, one commonly known as the still-face experiment.
The still-face experiment involved a mother and her infant child. The child is seated in a high chair while the mother interacts, talks, and plays with toys, her face radiating with pure presence. The child, being preverbal, expresses themselves without words, while the mother responds with affection and encouragement.
The experiment takes a turn when the mother turns her face away and returns with a blank expression, devoid of any response or emotion. Initially, the child attempts to regain their mother's attention, squirming, screaming, and banging their toys in frustration. The child's face displays a mixture of confusion and distress as they struggle to understand how to regain their mother's focus. This internal chaos is evident as the child unfolds in the high chair.
After a few minutes, the mother turns her face back towards the child, engaging with them once again. The child's panic subsides, and their facial expression returns to its initial state of joy and connection. This experiment, though perhaps not ethically acceptable today, highlights the significance of facial interaction between a mother and child, or any adults and other individuals.
In our ongoing discussion of the blessing in Numbers chapter six, we explored the centrality of the face of God. Numbers 6:22-27 states, "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them." This scripture offers ancient wisdom that aligns with discoveries in psychology.
Last week, we delved into the concept of attunement, likening it to the attuned interaction between a mother and child. We also discussed containment, which provides a sense of safety and security. Today, our focus is on peace, its meaning, and its parallel in the field of psychology.
Peace, in the context of the blessing, is represented by the Hebrew word "shalom." It refers to having the right relationships with God, self, and others. It signifies a feeling of rest, even amid turmoil. Picture those scenes in movies where characters huddle together as the world crumbles around them. Despite the chaos, they discover a sense of peace and connection. Attunement and containment foster this peace within us.
Attunement involves tuning in to one another, creating a mutual exchange of feelings, expressions, and emotions. Containment, on the other hand, is being held and kept by someone else. Together, these elements form the basis of human relationships and interactions. Similarly, this blessing from God offers attunement and containment, leading to internal peace.
Attaining peace is not about the absence of conflict or the resolution of every difficulty. Instead, it is the assurance that we are seen, felt, and held by another. This blessing reassures us that we can find peace through attunement and containment from God, others, and ourselves.
In our work with couples and in the marriage conference we recently participated in, our goal is to help individuals attune to each other, experience containment, and find peace. These elements foster closeness, intimacy, and resilience in relationships. With attunement and containment, couples can face the challenges that come their way, knowing they have a safe, attuned, and contained space to return to.
Living in a dissonant and broken world, experiencing true peace may often seem elusive. But this blessing from Numbers offers hope. It reminds us that such peace is available to us through God and our connections with others. It requires effort and intentionality, but it is worth the pursuit.
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